There’s An App for That

She was later than usual. Finally arriving, it was clear that something was amiss. “What happened?” I asked, hoping the answer was less upsetting than the look on her face. “How much time do you have?” my friend Sandy shot back, a clear sign that her agitation was about to explode into a full-blown inferno.

Sliding onto the overstuffed sofa in our local coffee house, she ordered a double espresso, although given her mood, a cup of chamomile tea might have been more prudent. “Okay, spill” I said. “You’re clearly upset about something.”

“Well, I just had a huge fight with Bill and I’m pretty mad.”

“What did he do?” I ventured cautiously, “run a red light or something?” I had no idea how close to home I had hit.

Her eyes lit up like mini-bonfires and I swore I could see steam coming out of her ears. 

“Well, just about! We were running late to an early morning appointment and Bill decided that he would make up time by speeding up and tailgating the car in front of us all the way down the hill.  When the driver finally moved over, my need-for-speed husband put his foot to the floor and went way over the speed limit the rest of the way.  We’re lucky we didn’t get into an accident!”

Sandy had just experienced what many women have: riding in a car with the “big guy behind the wheel.” I was about to impart words of understanding when I noticed that the fire in her eyes was being doused by tears. “I don’t know what to do!” she exclaimed in frustration. “He scares me when he drives like this, and I just don’t understand it.  He doesn’t seem concerned about my safety!” 

Right then and there, I decided it was time to reveal what I had been working on but had kept to myself.  I had been developing a solution to this widespread problem and my friend’s upset was prompting me to make it public. “You know, there IS something you can do” I ventured. “It’s something that has been in trials for a few months now with good success. I’m happy to share it with you if you’d like.”

Brushing away the tears, Sandy looked up hopefully. “I’ll try anything. I want to be safe riding in a car with him, but I don’t want to become a nag. This is the only thing we really fight about.”

I briefly described my approach - something my hubby affectionately calls the “Annie App.” The idea was initially developed by his mother who would bang her foot down on the passenger side floor, pretending to slam on the brakes when his father drove. Her actions were usually accompanied by a loud squeal “Albert!!” (his Dad’s name). Dad may not have been happy, but it did get his attention.

So, when my husband started displaying symptoms of a constant need to go faster than the speed limit, or to pass the guy next to him, I knew he had fallen victim to “Testosterone Driving Syndrome” or TDS for short. I began adapting his mom’s method with a few enhancements, starting with an identical slamming the “brakes” including the “Albert” squeal.  I added variations of “Eeek!” “Oh my God!”, “Watch Out!” and “Red light, red light, red light!” accompanied by a white-knuckled grabbing of door handles and slamming the dashboard. Tones, inflections, and volume were all dependent on urgency and sense of desperation.

During the trial period, these methods sometimes worked and sometimes didn’t. But things really started to change when I implemented the “silent method.” One day, as I soundlessly gesticulated and mouthed my screams, he jokingly asked “Did you put the Annie App on mute?” We had a good laugh and he slowed down to a normal, safe-ish speed. 

That’s when it hit me. This really would make a good app. Women could just access it and let their phone do the dirty work for them. Loud pleading and a variety of squealing sounds could be programmed and synced via Bluetooth to the car’s audio. No more ineffectively screeching from the passenger seat; the app would do all the work. An optional upgrade could link with the car’s “driver assist” package to take control and maintain driving in safety mode. The app is available on both iOS and Android.

Sandy loved the idea, and I was happy to see her relieved. I just knew that women the world over would be too. 

Sometime later, I released the Annie App to the public. We began receiving unsolicited buyout offers from major insurance companies last week. A generation ahead of the driver monitoring devices these companies were promoting to encourage safer driving and reduce your insurance rates, this would be a game changer for both women and men. 

Returning home, I received exciting news from our advisor - the “Annie App” was in an acquisition bidding war among several major insurance carriers. Exciting! Who will win? No word yet, but I’m rooting for Progressive. I can’t wait to do a commercial with Flo. 

© 2024  Annie Sokoloff