A: Why, a Man Nursing a Cold. Of Course.
While having dinner with another couple recently, our friends mentioned they were about to celebrate their 38th wedding anniversary. This is quite a milestone and glasses clinked all around with good wishes.
The announcement led to the topic of how each couple’s marriage proposal came about. Due to conflicting travel schedules, our dinner companions’ proposal was made over the phone. Not exactly the “down on one knee” event one might hope for, but it worked for them and their longevity in a happy marriage is all the proof that’s needed.
Our engagement was in person and also did not include the traditional bended-knee approach. It occurred one Saturday morning in 1996 as we were having coffee and reading the weekend newspaper. My hubby was nursing a really bad cold and sat sniffling and coughing away in his robe and slippers. At the dinner table, he recounted his sentiments at the time: that despite how lousy he was feeling, he just couldn’t imagine living life without me and so he popped the question. Twenty-five plus years later, we’re happily sharing the life we both wanted.
This anecdote elicited “aahs” and smiles all round. Toasts were made and glasses clinked as the four of us found ourselves in a sort of happy, mutual, espousal glow, enhanced no doubt by the bottle of wine we were sharing.
And then, it started. With a distinct twinkle in his eye, Jim, our male friend began congratulating Pete (my hubby) about the tenacity and male toughness that he obviously had to employ in proposing marriage in the difficult physical condition he was in. After all, Jim pointed out: “You had to be feeling miserable. It is well known that mens’ colds are difficult to bear and enduring that particular illness is very stressful. To overcome such hardship was a true feat of manhood.”
The boys’ glasses clanged again in celebration of their shared machismo. Taking it up a notch, Pete continued his story, dramatizing with even more detail just how awful he had been feeling and how difficult nursing the cold of all colds had been. More clinking, more toasting, more laughing. Our men were having the jovial time of their lives.
Meanwhile my friend Valerie and I had been listening to all of the good-natured silliness, while rolling our eyes and giggling right along with them. We good-naturedly offered our point of view and acknowledged that, while men obviously do indeed suffer terribly from colds just like women do, this commonly shared occurrence could not compare to what women endure during childbirth. There, we said it. We had made our point. It was obvious (to us) that we women had won the argument and we went back to enjoying our delicious meal. Who could dispute the agonies of labor and childbirth?
Well, apparently, the men at our table. Eyes bright, Jim sensed an opening and with his characteristic good humor, he immediately countered: “You know, a man with a cold suffers much, much more than a woman does going through labor and giving birth.” Immediately and without skipping a beat, Pete took his cue and took the discussion up a notch, turning it into a comedy club-worthy improv sketch. Hilariously, they again expounded on the woes men undergo during this common malady, using four letter words like “snot,” “drip” and “hack” to describe their obviously horrible experiences. Any attempted reminders that women also experience cold symptoms too made no matter. And labor and childbirth? Pish, posh. Men had it worse and that was that. After all, colds last what, five to ten days? And childbirth? That’s over in a few hours. Heck, the two couldn’t even compare.
It was one of those “you really had to be there” moments, but by the time the meal was over and the check was paid, we were all practically rolling on the floor with laughter. What could have turned into a testy discussion about the strengths and weaknesses of men versus women instead turned into what was one of the most hilarious and lively dinner conversations we’d ever had.
Which brings me to this point. You might ask why Val and I did not react with annoyance or anger at the supposedly misogynistic message of the boys’ antics? Being women, wasn’t their viewpoint insulting to us. The short answer: no, not really. Possibly because we were laughing too hard but also, and more importantly, because we really didn’t need to. It was obvious that their “comedy act” was nothing other than the lighthearted banter that it was. These guys really do know how hard labor and childbirth is. Well, maybe they don’t really KNOW, but their entertaining exaggerations about the symptoms men suffer through was their way of saying “Yeah, you win in that department. You can do something we can’t.”
We are lucky, my friend and I. We understand our husbands and recognize when they are simply joking. We also know just how much they hold us in esteem. This, sadly, is much more than many other women experience with their significant others. To be sure, misogyny is alive and well and all too often serious points such as equality and respect need to be argued and stood up for. But in this instance, it turned out that a lighthearted discussion actually did more to put a spotlight on some of the differences between us more than any angry argument could. Through this humorous exchange, it brought a better appreciation and acknowledgement of both sexes’ strengths and weaknesses, at least at our table.
So, maybe it is true. Men are from Mars, where their suffering from colds is obviously the worst. And, women are from Venus, where the pain of childbirth and discomfort of a common cold are mere trifles to be dealt with. Perhaps it’s just as simple as that.
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