It’s Tuesday, the second most important day of the week. The first of course is Saturday, the beginning of the weekend - a day with only relaxation and few responsibilities on the agenda. Other than watching college football or playing golf of course. Unless you’re a woman, in which case Saturday is simply another day of the week with a lengthy list of to-do items.
Yes, today is Tuesday - Trash Day - and I have my gold stars at the ready. Those shiny, metallic, five-pointed sticky things that represent a job well done. You know, the ones that teachers sometimes put on children’s homework or moms post on the refrigerator calendar to note something special. Since early childhood, these tacky little awards have served as the ultimate symbol of achievement. And so it makes perfect sense that on each Tuesday morning, when hubby dutifully takes out the trash, the stars are poised and ready to be awarded.
Following a gentle reminder to the master of our house that the Waste Management pick up is imminent, I usually hear an announcement: “I’m taking out the trash. Anything else you want to add?” Nope, the domestic goddess has already emptied all of the wastebaskets and lifted the heavy trash compactor bag out of its housing and replaced it with a fresh one.
Five minutes later, after maneuvering the receptacles down an admittedly long driveway, the requisite task has been accomplished. Time for a “task completed” proclamation: “I took out the trash.” “Yippee,” I quietly mutter to myself. It may be morning but it’s time for fireworks, a hearty congratulatory pat on the back and definitely the gold star treatment. “Thanks hon.” I acknowledge. “You’re the best!”
Now mind you, it’s just past 9 AM. I’ve been up for about 3 hours, have fed the cat and downed at least two cups of coffee. I’ve showered, done an updated agenda for the day (starting with yesterday’s incomplete cycles), answered emails, put in a load of laundry, made breakfast, planned dinner and done a myriad of other everyday chores that don’t even need mentioning. None of this is extraordinary; it’s pretty much the beginning of every day, not just Tuesdays.
But, can I just say, never in a million years would it occur to me to announce “I’ve done three loads of laundry, folded it and and put it all away for you.” Or, “I’ve changed the sheets on the bed, washed off the kitchen counters and re-stocked toilet paper in each of the bathrooms.” Imagine if women verbally detailed every little thing we did. We’d be proclaiming all day long and the stationery store would probably run out of gold stars!
For women, accomplishing these every-day tasks doesn’t really call for the issuance of a press release. It’s what we do, simply because it just needs doing. Maybe we don’t feel the need to issue a public statement every time something gets done, big or small. because it just doesn’t occur to us that we should. Or perhaps - and I’m just spitballing here - it’s because if we actually took note of every little thing WE do, we’d feel a little more like Cinderella than the queen of our own castle.
Whatever the reason I, and I’m sure most women, don’t think to look for constant praise. But no matter the task, no matter the reason, wouldn’t it be nice if our other halves let us know that they notice all we do just a little bit more often? Or maybe pitch in, unsolicited and with more frequency. There’s two gold stars right there!
Each household has its own agreements about who does what. In our home, I consider myself a pretty lucky gal. My “I took out the trash guy” recognizes a lot of what I do and frequently expresses his love and appreciation. Often, out of nowhere, he’ll say: “Did I tell you today I love you? Did I tell you today you’re wonderful?” This, of course, melts my heart and really makes my day.
To his credit, this pretty wonderful guy does a lot more to help keep things running smoothly than he used to, ofttimes with no prompting. We have had a long-standing joke in our nearly 26 year marriage that he tries to do enough around the house to get in his 10%. I’m very happy to announce, he’s now up to about 20%. Go figure - maybe he does notice I need a little backup after all.
I think I’d better go out and buy more gold stars.
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