An emergency board meeting of the local PCYM chapter (the “Please Call Your Mother” National Association) was called. Our group met at the usual bistro, where a first round of wine had been poured and plates of shareable appetizers graced the center of the table.
“This meeting is called to order,” our chairman Betty proclaimed. “We have a pressing situation to discuss. The PCYM Help Line has recently had a steep spike in calls since the holidays. Women from all over the country are calling in to vent and ask advice on how to handle their adult offspring who are exhibiting persistent childlike behavior. Mary, give us a sampling of what these women are saying.”
“Sure. Penelope in Tucson lamented about a recent visit from her husband’s 35-year-old son and his girlfriend. They were supposed to arrive late on Saturday afternoon, instead at 11 o’clock on Friday night, the doorbell rang. Getting out of bed, they were surprised to see the couple had arrived a day earlier.” Of course, unannounced.
“Really, oh my!” the ladies at the table murmured.
“But that’s not the worst of it,” Mary continued. “Mid-visit, her guests suddenly brought out two large duffel bags of dirty laundry they had brought across the country and asked her to do it for them. She told me that that she loves her stepson Ralphie and didn’t want to offend her husband by saying “no,” so she did the laundry and placed it neatly folded on their bed to re-pack; she didn’t even get a “thank you!’” She was so frustrated, she poured a glass of wine, went into her closet, closed the door and cried.”
“Oh no! Poor thing.”
“Here’s another. Amy in Boise was really looking forward to having her kids home for the holidays. Arriving empty handed with no gifts, her eldest daughter said that, despite the generous weekly allowance she receives and the trust money she is given by her grandparents, she was “broke.” She explained, ‘times are hard’ and she had to pre-pay the yearly membership to her favorite spa. ‘I keep waiting for her to grow up, Amy tearfully told me, but it doesn’t look like it will ever happen! What am I to do?’”
Empathetic nods and murmurs of went around the table as we heard one story of frustration after another. There were stories of adult children with high paying careers who still expected their parents to pick up the check at dinner, children who only come to visit when they want a warm meal or to raid the refrigerator and some adult children who simply refused to move out.
One by one, we expressed how badly we all felt for these women and commiseration about how many of us experienced similar things - the lack of maturity and good manners from our grown children. Try as we might, no one could come up with a solution on how to get them to finally grow up.
About a week later, the board received a message from one of its members. “I’ve got a solution!” it read. On a hastily arranged conference call, all was explained.
“I think we’re going about this all wrong,” Martha breathlessly told us. “First I thought we should make ‘How to Say No Without Feeling Guilty’ our book club selection of the month, but instead it dawned on me that there’s actually a simpler solution. The advice we should give these women - and take ourselves - should be to put our own selves first for a change. We’ve had so much of our attention on what our kids need for so long we’ve forgotten all about us personally and we deserve not to be taken for granted. Changing habits won’t be easy so I’m thinking we should arrange an “Adults Only” mini-conference to learn these new skills. I did some research and found there’s a cruise line that offers just the thing - a weekend package that’s all-inclusive with spa treatments and fun excursions to the beach. I think there’s one afternoon of seminars and the rest of the time is just fun. We should advertise it on the Help Line.”
“Oh, and did I mention - there’s a complimentary gift bag that has a commemorative adult beverage container and coupons for free refills. There’s even a present for the “kids” we leave behind. It’s a t-shirt that reads “My parents went on a fun cruise without me and all I got was this lousy t-shirt” on the front. On the back is an image of Peter Pan with the caption “I Don’t Wanna Grow Up!” They’re gonna just love it!”
© 2024 Annie Sokoloff
So cute