I was so close, so very close. Several boxes of Christmas lights, thick with dust, were safely in the trunk of my car on their way to Goodwill. They hadn't been used in many years and I was sure they wouldn’t be missed. I could not have been more wrong.
“Where are you going with all that stuff? Are they the Christmas lights? You’re not getting rid of them, are you? I was planning to put them up next weekend!” Yup, the man of the house was in full “Tim ‘The Tool Man’ Taylor” mode and I could almost hear him softly chanting “more power, more power.”
“Why this sudden interest in climbing trees and struggling on a ladder?” I asked.
“Well, we just got this postcard from a company, the ‘Super-Duper, Super-Sparkly and Bright Holiday Lights.’ Write a check and they come and professionally install a magnificent Christmas display to help us celebrate the season and make our neighbors jealous. I think I can do just as good a job as them - maybe better - and we’ll save money by using our old lights.”
Treading carefully, I objected: “Do you remember the last time you did this? You spent six hours getting the lights on one tree, flipped the switch and the lights went out after just thirty seconds. You spent another two hours trying to find the one bulb that was burnt out, causing the whole tree to go dark. You cursed for days!”
“Yeah, but that was then. This is now. I’ve had time to calm down and I’ve been doing some research online. Amazon sells a “dead bulb” spotter for $29 and for only $49 I can get a wireless remote-control kit that hooks up to our existing lights. I can turn them on and off with a remote control from the comfort of my recliner. And that’s it, just a fraction of what the professional installer would charge.”
“Oh, and I also ordered an inexpensive motion-controlled music machine with weather-proof speakers that plays Christmas music when cars drive by. This is going to be fantastic. We’ll be the talk of the neighborhood!”
Thinking this might be getting a little out of control, I tried one last protest: “What about climbing a ladder? Don’t you think that’s dangerous, especially at your age? I don’t want you to get hurt.”
“Not to worry, I’ve got that covered too. I just rented a bucket truck that goes up and down so I won’t be in danger of falling off a ladder. It gets delivered this afternoon and I can’t wait to get started. You’ll see, this will be great.”
The next day, there he was, grinning from ear to ear, going up and down in the bucket like it was a ride at an amusement park. Lights were being hung and holiday carols were wafting through the air. It was beginning to look a lot like Christmas. Maybe this “little” project would turn out to be a holiday masterpiece after all.
Fast forward a few hours and I realized it had gotten pretty quiet. No carols floating through the air, no hum of the bucket truck going up and down. Looking out the window I could see that only about half of one of the eight trees out front were decorated with lights. I was starting to get nervous until, from the direction of the recliner in the family room, came the sound of snoring. And, on the end table next to my napping sweetie, was the postcard advertisement from the “Super-Duper, Super-Sparkly and Bright Holiday Lights” company, with a post-it note attached reading “I’m pooped. PLEASE call them!” Smiling to myself, I kissed his head and pulled the throw blanket up over him to keep him warm.
Good thing the postcard noted a discount for first time users. I called and they’re coming tomorrow.
Comments